Life seems unlivable..... Help? Recently I have been depressed, sad, angry, and so much more.... I can barely contain my feelings, either. It hurts so much inside but I can't tell anyone..... It started in 7nth grade, a few years ago. from there I was often bullied for being from Pakistan. they would make terrorist rumors and Jokes about me and my family. those hurt worse than when they hit me or stole from me. At Home, My dad would often grow irritable with me and yell. other times we were friendly.
In high school, the paradigm shifted. School no longer was a problem. everyone became nicer and i could deal with the few jerks left. But my family became more of a problem. My father would yell and hit and insult for the littlest things. He would bring up events from months or years ago and use them as a reason for his anger. My family no longer supported me against him, some of them even going along with him. they would blame me for all the problems of the family, and always say I was the cause of everyone's problems, taking whatever they could to do so....
I Have friends, but very few I could confide in. And I have trouble trusting them. as a result of my family and previous friendships, it has become harder for me to trust people..... so even with my friends I can't help but be afraid they'll betray me....
My family is the kind not to like things that are considered 'out of the norm'. So I have to keep so many secrets from them. I want to tell them, but I can't. Some of the things I want to tell them:
1) I want to see a psychologist.
2) I have self-harmed and sometimes still do...
3) I'm a brony. (Stupid, I know that i worry about this with everything else....)
4) I want to be able to tell them all exactly where they go wrong, and have them actually listen....
5) I have Multiple personalities. Not in a clinical way or anything. But some days I'll be a cheerful version of me. Other times I'll be depressed. Few other times there's a.... psychopathic mood, as well as a shy one.
I also Have these feeling building inside of me... Feelings of Anger, sadness, loneliness, emptiness.... I'm afraid I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and/or Major Depression.... The main reason I self-harm is that with the feeling of blood leaving, all the emotions i can't get rid of just go... Physical pain is a small price to pay...
So yea... basically I just want someone to help me, or tell me how I can stop feeling so lost and alone. I don't know where to go in life, or if life is even worth living. so please.... help me...
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Hon, ask your mother or a trusted adult to make you an appointment to see a doctor for a complete physical. Be open and honest with the doctor and ask to be referred to see a therapist. You want to rule out any medical disorders (anemia, low blood pressure, thyroid problem, etc.) and get a proper diagnosis regarding your mental state. I'm sorry that you've been dealing with so much stress and sadness. Please know that you can be helped. Be kind to yourself. Exercise, Eat Healthy (no caffeine and no sugar!), take a vitamin D supplement (helps with depression) and learn to meditate and/or do yoga. These things help with depression if done on a daily basis. I wish you all the best. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/































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